What is a 'Stay at home mother' really worth?

Reader replied:

Stay at Home Mums   This could be a very long topic as I am sure there would be hundreds of opinons,

MY THOUGHTS ONLY I think it is ashame that so many children are in childcare at such a young age.

I know some have no other choice ,  but i know of some that do it to keep up there lifestyle and I think that is unfair for the children, Buy a new house has to have it fully furnished need two cars kids have all the playstation games plus TV in there bedrooms. Then the parents complain the children are spoiled kids dont need all that.

I liked the good old days you get home from school mum at the front door milk and home made biscuits you go out and play game of cricket with the neighbours, shops closed at 12pm Saturdays no shopping on Sundays that was family time.  McDonalds was a yearly treat, Sorry just thinking about the younger years.

When my kids turned 3years old people would say why arent they in daycare WHY SHOULD THEY and I told them i was lucky I did not have to work (I was married) but they said they need it for social what crap my kids never went to day care it cost too much anyway with my Husbands job I pay $30 a day then I work fulltime I worked out I would get an extra $100 a week after expanse not worth it.

Parents need to spend more time as a family kids grow up so fast its the little things they remember not the fancy clothes or video games.

I am recently divorced and the kids are school age which I am lucky. But I think the first five years are so important and it goes so fast.

I AM NOT DIRECTING THIS AT ANYONE ITS JUST SOMETHING I BELIEVE IN AND EVERYONE HAS THEIR VIEW.

It would be lovely if we could all stay home, but i know a lot of mums that could not wait to go back to work after twelve months and put them in childcare not because of money but they got bored at home, I think that is wrong why have the kids in the first place if your career is so important.

Interesting to know what you all think

magic1 replied:

I love being a stay-at-home mum.  It may seem selfish, but I have always wanted to be the one that saw and heard the first thing each child did.  I have had six children and each one has been wonderful to watch grow.  I never thought to give them to someone else to raise their way, I brought these little people into the world and so why should some stranger get to witness all the wonderful new things they do.

I understand some people need to work, some it is essential for them to return to work, but I know some out there who prefer to return to work because they find the idea of being home with a child boring and they think to throw all these material things at the child will make up for it... it doesn't...in the end they don't even know their own child.

Belinda replied:

I have a 6 month old son, whom is my first and only (but have 2 step sons)!! I returned to wrok last week on a part time agreement with work, but only because we couldn't afford to have me stay at home.  It's too hard with mortgages, maintenance to hubbys ex-wife, etc, etc!

Luckily though our son is not in child care as we both do shift work, so one of us is always with him.  Although that's really hard especially when doing night work as he doesn't like to sleep during the day!  Total sleep deprivation for me, but I would prefer me to have no sleep than to have someone else caring for him.  It was going to cost $300 a week for child care, so that sort of defeated the purpose of me working.  We will trial this for a while, pay of a few debts, and then when we can afford it, will decrease my hours, as I hate being back at work!!!!!  I think it's selfish for a mother to go back to work if they can afford to stay at home, as they will be gone before we know it, and would have missed out on the best years of their lives!  But it's their perogative, I suppose.  I'm just waiting to win lotto like the rest of you! LOL!!!!!  I definitely think that stay at home mums should get paid, as why should all the single mothers out there who live in housing department houses get a minimum of $1300 a fortnight!!!!!!!!!  And get rent assistant on to of that!!!!!!  Sorry to offend anyone, but not really as it's bullsh*t that we have to work to keep our heads above water and they sit back and get our hard earned taxes.  Anyway, best be shutting up now, as I will go on about this all day!!!!

marina replied:

This topic can get really heated..

yes sure there are single mums out there who stay at home and who make more  then a fulltime working family, but you know every one has a story of some sort  and  these mums should not be  judged  until you know there story.

some do take advantage, but you can't generalise and put them all in the same category.

The mums that do put their children in childcare to work because they are bored.. well again.. a happy mum  at work  is better then a depressed mum staying at home full- time..  a personal choice again and if they want the material things and the children are in childcare then great.. it suits them.

i know lots of children that went to childcare and they turned out brilliantly....  again each to their own,

the best way is to look at your own situation and don't worry about what everyone else is doing.. do what suits your family or what you have to do to survive financially.

don't blame anyone for the situation you are in..take action to change the course of your life if you are not happy..

however I do sympathise for wanting to stay at home and not being able to because of finances..

everthing seems to be going up and up and  up... very hard to make ends meet for average families on average incomes...

It  was like that when we started a family,, had to go back to work part- time to make ends meet and now that i look back, i was very upset that i had to go back.. i did not have the freedom and was miserable working.

In hindsight i wish i was able to stay at home back then, but you do what you have to do to live,

Things have changed now.. the children are 6 and 10,  and 2 years ago i was able to quit work and live off the pp income...  I had to find a way out,, I was desperate and i knew  that i had to take action.. and it all paid off... 

for me the best feeling is being there for them when they come home,, taking then to after school activities and being with them on the school holidays and we are happy now because financially it is great and finally it has all worked out..

PS THIS IS NOT DIRECTED AT ANY POSTER, BUT JUST CAME FROM THE HEART.... NO BITING BACK at me..

candlekaren replied:

I think Marina had a great point - you as a parent have to be happy otherwise your household will not be happy. What if a woman loves her job? Should she have to give it up just because she has children? You can still love your kids and love you job as well - and manage to balance both! We women can do anything you know! I think there can always be a happy medium - you just have to do what suits you.

On a personal level, I was a High School maths and science teacher when my first child was born. I went back to work full time when he was 11 months old. I enjoyed my job and got a lot of satisfaction out of it, but was not happy away from my son so much, so I went part time - 2 days a week. It was the perfect balance for me. I worked part time on and off through my three children, and also did a bit of relief teaching.

I now find that with my 3 children at school I like to be a stay-at-home mum!! I can be there to volunteer in the classroom, help with homework after school, and run them around to all the outside of school activities they do. I think they get more benefit from me not working now than they would have when they were babies. And I am happy because I get those few hours in the middle of the day to myself!!

Most important is to be happy - my husband is fond of the expression "Happy Wife, Happy Life!" Sooooo true!!

Karen

nixandbuz replied:

I enjoy being a stay at home, as other readers have posted, its being there for the first steps, words etc.

I had a fairly good position in an accounts department, I loved it, but now step asside to watch my two beautiful children grow and learn about the world.

Believe me, I miss those working days when I could get home and 5 and chill out, being a SAHM is a 24/7 job and on bad days, ie the kids are mucking up I so want my working time back...

We have a very high mortgage at the moment, own two cars and my poor DH works his butt off, and sometimes wonder how we get through each month, but three years down the track, two kiddies later and we are still there, still manage to take the occasional holiday and at times we do have to miss out on things.

At present, we can't move forward (have heaps of things we want to do around the house etc and BIGGER BETTER holidays but we can only go as far as our $$$ allow us.

My Direct Selling business is now giving us a little bit more freedom to allow extra treats for the kids and my DH is going on a boys holiday to the V8 supercars in July so are frantically selling perfume for that extra bit of spending money... LOL

I like the comment, a happy mom is a happy family and its so true, each to their own and what ever works for each person.

candlelover replied:

I am very fortunate that my workplace allows me the flexibility to work permanent night shift. I went back to work when my son was 5 months old on a Part-Time basis. 8 years later i am still Part-Time and still working night shift. When he was younger I would work permanent Thur-Sun nights and put him into daycare on a Friday. Now I am flexible with which nights I work. I sleep while he's at school, the only problem I have found is school holidays but I have so far managed to swap shifts around or take A/L during school holidays.

I feel much better for it knowing that I can continue with a job that i enjoy and knowing that he gets quality time with his dad while I am at work. It also cuts out the cost of childcare as one of us is always at home for him.

If I did have a choice tho..... I would love to stay at home and do more with him on the weekends as i quite often have to have my "nanny nap" on a Sat and Sun arvo and miss out on some school activities if I have to work that night. 

Belinda replied:

Sorry, but didn't mean to get too judgemental!  Just venting!

FoodDude replied:

If there was ever a subject that showed how women feel guilt its this one.  And if there was ever anyone to make a woman feel guilty its OTHER WOMEN  !!!  Let's be kind to our sisters in motherhood and understand that each has there own reason for doing what they do.  Childcare or No Childcare !! Breastfeed or Not to Breastfeed !!! oh how the list goes on !!!  What I want to know is what is the value of a stay at home Dad and why is it that they don't seem to cop the guilt trip that we mothers do.

Ladywytch replied:

Interesting topic....

My daughter works in a child care center where she is doing her work experience while studying to be a nanny. 

She came home from work only last week unusualy down - after spending time with 8 babies all day - she is usually as high as a kite.  The girl loves kids. 

She explained that one of her charges took his first steps that day and when she had to report in the afternoon there was some serious debate on whether or not to tell the mum.  How sad.  Looking from the carers side of things they honestly didn't know what was the right thing to do - so they all shut up and a very excited mum came in the next day and told them that he had walked for the first time that night and how happy she was it wasn't at the center.

My point being is that all those firsts that you miss out on are so very important and even now that I am at home with my teens and young adults I love them to 'download' to ME after a day at work/Uni/College.

I loved being around when they walked and taliked and skinned their knees and after school chatter was the best.  We would all sit around the table with afternoon tea and chat.  Still do but now it is a dinner and we ALL discuss our day. 

However, if you have a staff like the ones at the center my girl works at you may miss the actual first but you still have the excitement of YOUR first.  If a tree falls in the wood and nobody is there.....does it make a sound????

Mothers are all special and their own children all precious to them....whether you choose to go back to work or pull the belt a little tighter and stay home is completely an individual family decision and should be made by that particular family as to what is right for them.  Personally I loved being here but don't judge others for doing the other way either.

I kick myself because I don't beleive at 44 I am as financially secure as I want to be and maybe a few extra years work might have made a difference but then I would have put childcare staff somewhere in the same prediciment that the staff above were in. 

Do what is best for you and your family and bugger anyone and the quilt trips but make sure you make every second count because by the Gods they grow up fast and if you look away for a split second you will  miss something.

M

P.S. On the original subject of what a mum is worth - well I am insured for double what my significant other is - so I guess that says it all in this home. 

Snazza replied:

What is a Stay at home mother really worth? Priceless I would say....but thats not to say someone that needs to go to work is a bad mother. I agree that we are all different and do things for different reasons.

In my own personal case I have a 12 yr old daughter and a 19mth old son. I put my daughter in childcare when she was about 18mths old. I was a single mum and needed to financially get back out there are work. Personally looking back I dont think I really got anywhere as the childcare fees even back then were ridiculous and it almost seemed to defeat my purpose in working. But I also did it for my daughter so she could interact with people of her own age. I never regretted her going to creche, she loved it. Now I am at that stage again of realizing my son at 19mths is needing something more than just me 24/7 he needs to meet little people and have that interaction too. But I am unsure of what to do. I had hoped to go back to my job as a Complaints Manager for Telstra but they would only have me back full time and not the part time hours i was needing. So thats why Party Plan really works in well for me - it helps me have the time i need to get my daughter to and from school and allows me time with my son. I may look into care for him on a part time basis but only for the interaction. I love having him with me. We are very close. But i think i need to do it for him?? Ok got off the subject. We all do the best we can in the situations we are given.

Snazza

21kellie08 replied:

I would love to be a stay at home Mum! It really upsets me to think of someone else raising my daughter (or kids, eventually) and placing their specific imprint and views and morals on my child.

I want to be the person who raises my children.

Having said that, we are not in the position financially to be able to do that. I am 20 years old and we really had our daughter earlier than we had planned. We don't have our own place and there is a whole world of other issues that I'm not even going to get into. I'm sitting in a Call Centre right now taking calls (not dirty ones!) while my 11 month old daughter is with her Aunty and her cousin. She's just starting to walk and I'm missing certain things here and there, but we all do what we need to do to make it in this world. My parties are really starting to build up and once I'm holding 3 a week consistently I will think about giving this place the flick. It's nice to have the extra, reliable income, however.

Sometimes I wonder though... ? Is it selfish that I want to be the one at home with my daughter and that I am basically delegating her Dad to work his butt off for the rest of his life? I guess that's opening a whole 'nother can of worms.

Kellie

tonyleanne replied:

Hi all most of you know that I am a SAHD,what price would I put on it.
Priceless!!!!!!
I have never worked so much some weeks and now that I understand what is involved my hat goes off to EVERY MOTHER,whether she is working in paid employment or stays at home.

jazzyjools replied:

We all do what we gotta do to make ends meet it all comes down to $$.  I would love to stay at home but alas we can't afford it.  I work 2 jobs one in an office MON & TUES and the other in a Cafe' WED & FRI as well as my pp business.  At the moment it feels like we are getting no where.  I could go to work full time but I like the hours I do now as I start work at 9 - 9.30am and I am home at between 4 and 4.30 to be there with the kids, my bosses are both great if I need to have time off it is no hassle. 

When my youngest is at school I may need to go back to work full time.  It's not something I really look forward to.  As much as do enjoy work, i work to live not live to work.

Women may have more rights these days but we sure have a hell of a lot to manage with work, kids. housework, etc we do more in this modern world now than ever before in my opinion.  We are priceless.

Ladywytch replied:

I found this and thought is was both cute and accurate.

What a Mother Is Worth

I've been ripped off - we all have but the love and cuddles and even 20 year olds that kiss your forehead on the way out the door (yep they're 6'5' to my 5'8) make up for it.

MJ78 replied:

i have loved being a stay at home mother - i quit my full time primary teaching profession to do so, so it was a big risk. but couldn't have been happier with my decision. i have however had to do a few things in between - eg, tutoring, party plan and now working in retail while trying to run my new business.

money does certainly make the world go around - and i just wish for everything we did as mothers (ALL OF US) we should be paid something more than a measly tax benefit etc.

I would say its a full time full time job. So anything around the $500 mark per week would be good!

that is being generous of course. we should be given $2000 per week - i haven't slept a full nights sleep in the past 5 years, plus as all mothers do the housework, the payments, the shopping, the looking after our children and running around after everything and anything. we are definitely WORTH IT!

scrappy replied:

Well, I cant imagine how some of you do what you do! My hats off to those mums working, in PP and raising kids!!
I am so lucky that financially myself and hubby are doing well. I am a full time mum with no family support and with my boys 24/7. Hubby earns a good wage and even without the income of my PP we can live comfortably.

I am so happy to be home with my kids as I cant imagine having to hear about their day and not being there with them!! I am very glad that I have my PP as it means spending money for us, but it also gives me security and a feeling of contribution financially, which some mums feel guilty about!

 I LOVE the PP industry and the benefits (tax) that come from it, I only wish MORE women and men were able to get full incomes out there businesses.

marina replied:

"I LOVE the PP industry and the benefits (tax) that come from it, I only wish MORE women and men were able to get full incomes out there businesses."

Hi Scrappy,

So perfectly said...

For anyone out there who is struggling to make ends meet, and who is working full- time to pay the bills, honestly PP is the way to give your selves a better life with more money and more time..

PP is very very rewarding....

Lilygirl_wytch replied:

What a good topic!

I can see everyone's points and respect their opinions also.  I am a mum of 5 boys and have done the work with kids in childcare with the 2 oldest, as I became a single mum with 2 boys when the oldest was about 3.  But I chose to go to work part time nursing as we just couldn't afford to live otherwise.  I know some single mothers today have it easier than 14 years ago, but I personally didn't like being 'labeled' a single mother.  I believe you should work for what you want not sit back and wait for someone else to give it to you.

So in the 6 years as a single mother I worked, studied and in between found all the quality time I could to spend with my boys.  Would I have done things differently? probably but life's too short to dwell on the past so you move on.  Today I work for myself in PP what an awesome opportunity, not only can I be home for the younger 3 boys, take them to school, participate on the P&C, excursions etc, but I can make more money in 4 hours with my PP than working 32 hours nursing.  Go figure...

So to me a MOTHER is worth more than anything else.  And yes I still use daycare, personal choice, but I have one of those type of children who just loves daycare, so he goes.

Everybody is different, everybody has different likes, dislikes, choices and lifestyles... but that makes us all unique.

MOTHERS are PRICELESS!!!

Lilygirl

ejsmum replied:

I think you are right jazzy - women do have a lot more rights these days, but it does come at a price - life is now a lot more complicated -so much more to juggle. Being a mum means 'work' 24/7 whether you are a stay at home mum (It's not really the best description is it, kind of sounds like you just sit around at home all day..NOT!!) or work outside of the home and then come home to all the million 'mum' jobs that you still have to do. When I became pregnant, I thought I would take 6 months maternity leave and then go back to work part time... well 6 months flew by and there was just no way I could put my son in childcare.  My 'work' self seemed a million years ago, almost like another person.

I quite often send myself on guilt trips, when I think I really should be working and earning more money for our family, but then I start feeling guilty about the prospect of sending my son to childcare...damned if you do and damned if you don't really!!!!

So yes, everyone has to do what is right for them, because quote "Happy Wife, Happy Life" unquote. I like that.  If you can look at your kids and know that they are happy, healthy, well adjusted kids who will one day be able to stand on their own two feet and conquer the world - then you are doing your best, and that is all any of us can hope for. (Sorry, I turned a bit Oprah at the end there...)

JB replied:

Lilygirl, You are awesome!!!

nixandbuz replied:

BRAVO to everyone whether you are a SAHM SAHD or working.  It sounds like everyone has their story.

I say being a parent is PRICELESS !!!