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Why do people speak before thinking?
Discussions : Off your chest... : Why do people speak before thinking?
plainjayne wrote:
I have a wonderful friend who was very upset this morning and I just wanted to have a vent. This lovely lady is the proud mother to 4 beautiful children all of whom she adores. This morning when going to her usual shop(the place she had been going to for 3 yrs) on the way home from walking the kids to school she became very upset after the comments made toward her. The chinese lady behind the counter came up to her, grabbed her "baby" tummy, gave it a hard pull and a pinch and said "you too fat, you lose fat now no more babies". The hide of her!!!! My friend I might add is a lovely size 12 and looks amazing for having had 4 to my 2 children. The poor thing burst into tears and yelled at her for touching her. She yelled that how dare she say that and touch her like that. She also yelled that she was highly offended to which the woman then said that she was "her friend, no getting upset" and that" only joking". Now if that had been me.... well!!!! I would have given her a sharp thump-but my friend is not like that and is so down in the dumps now. What do I say?? I already told her she looks great, I told her I would give anything to look like her. I said to ignore her and not go into the shop, which she has vowed never to enter again. But my issue here is Why must people speak before they think of how it affects others??? Why do people these days think that they have the right to comment, berate or share unwarranted opinions on people??? Gone are the days where people showed others respect and kept their mouths shut. I hope to goodness that I am teaching my children the art of tactfullness, respect and decorum that so many in todays society lack. Just had to get that out there.
Snazza replied:
Hi jayne,
I can totally understand why you are so upset and needing to vent and your poor friend that is just disgusting behaviour from that lady! Was she the store owner? If not i would be putting a complaint in writing to the manager regarding her behaviour. Or perhaps report her in some other way? She had absolutely NO right whatsoever to approach your friend and grab her stomach and comment. She is an extremely rude unthoughtful person. I wish i was a size 12!!
All you can really do is as you have been - support your friend and tell her she is fine the way she is. Tell her not to let such an rude person get to her and be happy with the skin she is in.
Kind regards
Snazza
CKCath replied:
I can understand how upsetting this was for your friend. It is not nice to have people speak to you in this manner.
It may be a little bit of cultural difference though. A friend of mine has just come back from a trip in Asia and was saying how each time the tour group went to a shop, particularly clothing shops, the female staff there would touch their stomach and breasts, while measuring and fitting for outfits. My friend was not getting clothes made, she was just there with friends and she was still "groped". She said her bust size in particular was commented on often, she is quite buxom. The lady may have meant no offense as it may be something she is used to being able to do within her own culture that would not be considered offensive. We Aussies are known for offending while overseas for doing things considered quite normal at home too!
I hope that your friend is able to move past this and realize what a wonderful person she is... your support will definitely help her. She is lucky to have a friend as supportive and understanding as you.
LiLTam replied:
I totally agree with you Plain Jayne and Snazza what that woman did was wrong. Totally wrong.
Culture or not she is in Australia and should realize it was not the done thing to do.
Hope your friend is ok and works through this quickly.
Tam
Hel replied:
Oh my goodness your poor friend! If someone did that to me I would be devestated and very embarrassed too.
I do not understand why people speak before they think and say things that only end up upsetting someone. I have noticed it happening more and more often lately too, people are becoming more and more thoughtless and it is just so sad. I think there is a point when you can be too honest and upfront.
SexxxyThingz replied:
A certain lingerie company I used to buy from makes everything in 1 size-being extremely petite!
I have veered well away from that company!I would love to be a size 12 again.Congrats to your friend for getting her body looking great.As for the baby tummy Arent they proud life scars???
plainjayne replied:
Thanks everyone! I appreciate all of your thoughts. I think all mums deserve a big round of applause!!!!!
Ariele replied:
Hi there :)
Just reading this brought back memories of elderly/middle aged Chinese ladies doing this to me :) I honestly think it must be cultural-but upsetting for sure :(