really mad!

missytia replied:

Hi Kathryn,

I can fully understand where you are coming from.  Give it time for the pain and hurt to die down and try and work it out with your friend because if you truly are friends this shouldn't stand in the way.  I know she has hurt you and you have felt like she wasn't there in your time of need, but a bride-to-be can be quite self-absorbed and stressed also and say things we don't mean.

I know exactly where you are coming from.  A similar thing happened with my best friend and I......except I found out how she felt on her blog!  Anyway, I had given up smoking a couple of weeks prior to her wedding party.  I was struggling big time not to give in to temptation so I was rather quiet, withdrawn and a bit shitty LOL.  Anyway a few weeks later, I find out that apparently I ruined her night and I should have "sucked it up", had a smoke because it was her night.  Anyway, after a while we talked about it, I told her I was sorry for hurting her and I didn't mean to but I had my reasons for the way I behaved and I wouldn't have done anything different and I was sorry that she was hurt from it.

We talked about it, even though we were both hurt and mad at the time and it is now water under the bridge and I can happily say that we are still besties to this day.

Just give it time.  I'm sure you can both work it out, that's of course if you want to.

raelenehushhush replied:

i agree with you stand your ground dont give in any friend would offer to put wedding stuff on hold for you for the simple fact your grandfather was dying and you needed her you cant put that on hold a wedding and friends can what but time with dying grandfather cant cause you cant get that time back i know i wish i spent more time with my nan before she passed on .HOW UNGRAETFUL SHE IS NO FRIEND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

biancaj replied:

Oh Kathryn, what a horrible situation for you to be in.

I would personally stand my ground on this one.  If my best friend had just gone through a loss like yours, no matter how important my wedding was, I would never be that selfish.  A wedding is a stressful time, but no excuse to treat other people like crap.  Hopefully your friend spoke out of stress, not from her heart. But if she can't understand what a difficult time you are going through, then she is not worth it.  As there is still two (or so) months until her wedding it is very selfish and just rude that she couldn't give you a few months off your 'duties'.

Big hugs to you

kathryn replied:

Thanks for all your advice on this one.

I feel so confused, but i am going to stick to my grounds on this. I know she is stressed, but there was no need to treat a friend like that.

Thanks so much guys! I feel heaps better.

ExMember148 replied:

I would definitely stand my grounds on this one, and also when (if) you get an invite to the wedding, find a really nice inability to accept!!  Stuff her, people in general are too selfish!!  I had a friend do a very similar thing to my 6 year old daughter (how do you explain to a child she is no longer a flower girl!!!) and also knew of someone else who did this to a friend.  Bridezillas need to wake up to themselves!!!

On another note, just remember your dear grandfather is at peace and you were a very thoughtful grand-daughter to keep your vigil.  He would of known you were there and that would of made his journey a lot more peaceful.  Bless you. 

Angel replied:

I agree with the other 3 girls on this one. If that's how she treats her best friend, I wouldn't like to see what she does to everyone else she knows!!! 

Personally, something like that would be a deal breaker for me. She has proven she's not a true friend, and you don't need such an uncaring, selfish person in your life. I would not be her bridesmaid if she does ask again, in fact - I wouldn't go to the wedding at all, I wouldn't put myself through it. I'd be finding a new best friend and giving her the flick permanently. Who needs it!!! Lifes too short to waste it on such a person.

This may sound harsh, but I've been in a similar situation - and "friends" like her just aren't worth it. There are too many other people out there who deserve your friendship and will value it much more than this person does - go find one of them, you'll be much happier.

jazzyjools replied:

I would not go out of my way for your friend as she is being very selfish and uncaring towards you.  If she was a true friend you wouldn't be in this situation.  For a true friend would treat you with more respect after losing a loved one.  She needs to know that you are not a rock and that she has really hurt your feelings by being so uncaring.

I too once had a best friend, we were friends since Year 8 and lived 2 houses away from each visiting each other almost every day.  Her name Julie and her fiancée was a Mark and my finance also a Mark.  She has 3 girls and I have one daughter.  I always helped her out as she was very busy with her young children 2 of her girls were twins and she had 3 under 5.

Any way to cut a long story short she ended up with my fiancée.  Not long after her break up from her partner Mark, was killed in a car accident.  I believe he was driving too fast as at that time Julie would not let him see their children.

This is now over 10 years ago but I found it hard to call anyone my best friend after that.  I have lots of good friends and one very special friend and I am very happy in my life without her.  You too will be better off with out your best friend.  It will be difficult at first but you should stick to your guns as she has been totally rotten to you in your time of sorrow.  I would keep right out of her wedding.  Best of luck stay strong.  Julie

Kala replied:

I agree, that is no way to treat a friend.  Definately, stand your ground.  Speaking from experience here.. I had a friend, one of my 3 best friends through high school, all through the lead up to her wedding, kept asking me to make sure I'd be there.  Then she didn't even invite me.....

After that, I decided she wasn't worth the trouble.  When I ran into her several years later, she proved it.. Wanting to catch up, and although I gave her the benefit of the doubt.  Several attempts later to call her, or leave a message for her to contact me, she didn't bother.  She's now definately on my, don't bother list.

Kara

kathryn replied:

thanks everyone for all the advice, it has made me feel so much better knowing not everyone thinks i am a horrible person for focusing on my family and not my friend.

Thanks again guys!

Kathryn

Snazza replied:

Friends should be there to support each other in times of need. Your rightful place was with your Grandfather. You can have peace of mind knowing you were there for him.

Your so called friend on the other hand needs to wake up to herself and realize that although her wedding may seem SO important to her - you really needed her support and she let you down big time because of being so self absorbed in her own world.

I definately would not go to the wedding JMO. With friends like that who needs enemies?

I really hope time eases your pain just a little.....and yes as you can see many people on here see things from your side....so you are not alone. We are all here for you :)

Snazza

kathryn replied:

Thanks SnazzaThat was really nice. I definitely will not be going to the wedding, her hen's night is this saturday, which i organised, but i will not be there.Thankyou all for the really great support! It means the world to me that I can rely on some people, even if I have never met them in person before! Everyone is awesome here!Kathryn